This is Trish's Blog

Proud to be HER Mom...

2010-05-05T11:23:00.000-07:00

My really incredible daughter, mother, teacher, and woman with a huge, huge heart... needs to take her heart to Africa. Swaziland specifically.

To do so, she is fund-raising (there it is...the f word) and the deadline is quickly approaching. Jamie wants (or more like needs) to go to Africa and see for herself the challenges they face, and she has made a personal commitment to help change the lives of those she will encounter there.

She has a Heart for Africa

Swaziland is a small country located in southern Africa that is home to approximately 950,000 people. The needs in Swaziland are staggering, as HIV/AIDS claims the lives of an estimated 42.6% of the population. The life expectancy in Swaziland is the lowest in all of Africa at 29 years.

Currently it is estimated that there are 200,000 orphans and 15,000 orphan-headed households in Swaziland.

Jamie and her Heart for Africa team will work side-by-side with the children’s homes and organizations to better support them and the orphan headed households in the community. They will help plant backyard gardens and community gardens. They will bring clothing and shoes for the homes that they serve. They will develop small business opportunities for the impoverished women in the community as well as help to provide AIDS education and basic academic education.

She needs to raise about $1600 more dollars by May 7th. Will you please help Jamie get there by making a donation? Even a small one is GREATLY appreciated.

The deadline is MAY 7th.

Click here if you can help, even a little.

Thank you from the bottom of my proud Mother's heart!!

Things that make me scream.

2010-04-26T18:28:00.000-07:00

Another guest post by Henry

by Henry W.

Things that make me scream:

Pie that is moldy and bad (I like pie)
Huge loops and 100 foot drops on roller coasters
A test
Homework
No T.V.
Losing a fight with the Ice Climbers
Losing a fight with Peach and Zelda
Fighting Master Hand (and losing)
Getting attacked by a wolf
Those are the things that MAKE ME SCREAM.

Where I'm From (A Guest Post by Henry)

2010-04-22T14:32:00.000-07:00

Where I'm From

by Henry

I am from my fish's bowl and a lot of water and small pebbles
I am from the upstairs living room and kitchen
I am from the downstairs office and bedrooms where I sleep at night and where I relax

I am from my piano that I play from day to night
I am from my bike that I ride all the time
I am from Monopoly where I buy Boardwalk and Times Square

I am from my moped riding up the street at 15 mph
I am from watching the Matrix series watching Neo fly
I am from my lizard Bullet, watching him eat crickets
I am from the Battle of the Labyrinth watching Percy Jackson walking through the Labyrinth

I am from Boomers playing a 3 minute song on medium Guitar Hero arcade
I am from LIFE, schooling my Dad and leaving him in the dust

I am from those moments
Snapped before I budded.
A leaf, fallen from the family tree

I can play Malagueña with one hand tied behind my back...

2010-01-09T11:34:00.000-08:00

Guest appearance by Henry

Don't forget to wear sunscreen.

2009-10-30T10:02:00.000-07:00

In which it is established that I am genetically programmed to be a hippie.

2009-07-16T13:18:00.000-07:00

I was adopted. And it was obvious to me at a young age, that I didn’t fit into the family that adopted me. Without any genetic or family information myself, even as a little kid, I found myself a bit confused and fascinated by genetics and nature vs. nurture debates. I felt like a ship without a port for 30 years.

Then I found my bio family. One of the first real relatives I ever met, was my Uncle Jim. My birth-mother’s brother. He lived in San Francisco and ran an alternative health business out of his house. He was funny and spiritual and artistic and loving and cosmic. He kept a journal and drew, and opened his life and home to everyone. He lived and taught and loved to the fullest. We connected from the moment we met, in a way I had not experienced connection before. I adored him. It was because of him, I finally collected, understood and owned an actual piece of myself. Because of him, I know, that I was genetically pre-programmed to be a free spirit. I am a happy, peace loving, free spirited hippie. And I am claiming it! It is not all that I am. I am not defined by what I found, but I understand that part of myself better now and I can embrace the hippie in me.

Last week, Uncle Jimmy passed away. A small memorial was held for him in his “cosmic kitchen.” A celebration of his life with the MANY friends he had, will be sometime in the next few weeks and I will be there. In the meantime, I am posting some pictures that will surely show what kind of man he was. My beautiful Uncle Jimmy. My cosmic, genetic connection to who I really am. Goodbye Uncle. Tell my birth mother you got to know me on this earth. You will be missed!

Jim Karnstedt passed away peacefully, surrounded by loving friends and family July 10 at the age of 63 following a sudden illness. Born in Minneapolis, MN, he lived in San Francisco since 1969. He was a healer and educator, sharing his wealth of information through lectures, video and his business, Ion & Light. Jim touched many lives with his generosity and his enchanting spirit. He was loved by all who knew him. A celebration of his life will be held soon in San Francisco.

In honor of Billy Mays...

2009-06-29T13:03:00.000-07:00

Kaboom! Your Oxi is clean and your Orange Glo's…
This story previously posted here, is being re-posted in honor of our favorite guy Billy Mays who died yesterday. We are heartbroken.

(TRUE STORY!)

When Henry was a tiny infant, barely able to raise his head, I remember being completely amazed at his reaction to infomercials (adverts as he calls them.) This little half Brit baby had no interest in Pat the Postman, Bob the Builder or even Black Adder (my favorite.) Nor could I convince him to even look up for a second at Sesame Street, Barney or Teletubbies, but Billy Mays got him every time.

A peddler, pitchman, trafficker of cleaning products made Henry look up and watch with eyes wide open for the full 2 minutes every single time he came on the telly. That Billy Mays was better at creating a sense of urgency than Elmo or the Cookie Monster.

And apparently, get it NOW, really stuck with Henry.

A conversation with Henry the other night (in 2007) while I was working on the computer and he was watching Nickelodeon.

H: (Running down the hall) Mummy, Mummy, you have to let me get on the computer RIGHT NOW!
M: I am working Hen, what is so important?
H: I have to sign up TODAY for Westwood College’s Online Program.
M: What College? You’re 7? What are you talking about?
H: Mummy, they said on Nickelodeon that I can go online to learn to animate and design video games. I have idea’s and I want to design one NOW. Go to the website NOW please. Right NOW please. NOW OK? NOW, please Mummy.
M: OK, let’s go see what it says. (There was no way he was going to let me finish my work until I went there and checked it out.)
M: Sorry Henry, it says here that you have to graduate from High School to take these classes. You are only in 1st grade.
H: It’s OK. YOU went to college. Pretend it’s you signing up and I will take the classes… or how ‘bout you sign up and learn how to do it, and then you can teach me. Do it Mummy! At least ask for more information NOW.

I sent in an online request for more information that night with Henry looking over my shoulder, directing me as to what to ask. How long does it take? How much does it cost? How old do you have to be? Do you really have to graduate from HS before you can learn?
He came to me 3 times Sunday night asking me to check my email to see if they had answered yet and he directed me Monday morning to keep checking email while he was in school, just in case they answered.

I have gotten 3 hard sell phone calls, from admission advisors since then, asking me when I want to start Westwood College of Game Art and Design. The program costs $70,000. And it takes 3 years. At that rate he wouldn’t be able to design a game until he was in 4th grade.

I gave Hen the bad news… I told him that it was way too expensive I didn’t have that kind of money right now.

He went away (dreams crushed) for about 5 minutes then came running down the hall again…

H: Mummy, Mummy, do you have any scrap gold? We could sell it for cash! I just saw an advert on Nickelodeon about how to get fast cash for your scrap gold to make extra money for anything you want. And if you go to www.goldkit.com you can get a FREE gold kit to send in your teeth today. And shipping is free! Then you can afford to go to college again.

Do it Mummy won’t you please? NOW?

Thank you Billy! You will be missed.

Some Fatherly Advice.

2009-06-19T09:28:00.000-07:00

FATHER: All a girl needs to know to get by in life, is written on the top of a mayonnaise jar.

DAUGHTER: Really? Refrigerate After Opening????

FATHER: No, in my day mayo jars always said: Keep Cool. Don't Freeze.

Ride More. Talk less. Or why my son has a broken collarbone.

2009-03-07T08:34:00.001-08:00

Wreckless Films 06-07 Preview

Please don't be a GAYCIST!

2009-02-12T15:09:00.000-08:00

From the Courage Campaign website:

On December 19, 2008, Ken Starr and the Prop 8 Legal Defense Fund filed legal briefs defending the constitutionality of Prop 8 and seeking to nullify the marriages of 18,000 devoted same-sex couples solemnized before Prop 8 passed.

The Supreme Court will hear oral arguments in this case on March 5, with a decision expected within 90 days. Ask that the Court enforce the equality promised to each of us by our constitution and invalidate Prop 8.

Please click here and sign the petition: Courage Campaign Petition

Snowboarding: America's most dangerous outdoor activity

2009-02-02T20:21:00.000-08:00

I read in the paper just a few days ago that more people are hurt snowboarding than any other outdoor activity, accounting for a quarter of emergency room visits.
Then I got the call. "Mom I am in the emergency room, they say I need surgery."

Here is the story. In living color. (GORE ALERT)

The boys. And the hill. (Or should I say cliff?)

The result:

The cutting: (Yep these are really Anthony)

The drilling and screwing:

The drugs:

Look. I am bionic. Better than I was before. When can I snowboard again?

ME: (see my hairgetting grayer?)

I am $9,300,000.00 richer today.

2009-01-24T09:18:00.000-08:00

What is wrong with me? I want to reply to the poor fellow and fix his grammar so he gets better results.

OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENCY
FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA.
ATTENTION:BENEFICIARY, (That's ME!)

THIS IS TO OFFICIALLY INFORM YOU THAT WE HAVE VERIFIED YOUR CONTRACT/INHERITANCE FILE AND FOUND OUT THAT WHY YOU HAVE NOT RECEIVED YOUR PAYMENT IS BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT FUFILLED THE OBLIGATIONS GIVEN TO YOU IN RESPECT OF YOUR CONTRACT/INHERITANCE PAYMENT.

SECONDLY WE HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT YOU ARE STILL DEALING WITH THE NONE OFFICIALS IN THE BANK ALL YOUR ATTEMPT TO SECURE THE RELEASE OF THE FUND TO YOU. WE WISH TO ADVISE YOU THAT SUCH AN ILLEGAL ACT LIKE THIS HAVE TO STOP IF YOU WISHES TO RECEIVE YOUR PAYMENT SINCE WE HAVE DECIDED TO BRING A SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEM.

RIGHT NOW WE HAVE ARRANGED YOUR PAYMENT THROUGH OUR SWIFT CARD PAYMENT CENTER ASIA PACIFIC, THAT IS THE LATEST INSTRUCTION FROM OUR NEW PRESIDENT,UMARU MUSA YAR'ADUA (GCFR) FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA.(Well at least he got the Presidents name right!) THIS CARD CENTER WILL SEND YOU AN (INTERNATIONAL ATM CARD) WHICH YOU WILL USE TO WITHDRAW YOUR MONEY IN ANY ATM MACHINE OF YOUR CHOICE IN ANY PART OF THE WORLD, BUT THE MAXIMUM AMOUNT TO WITHDRAW PER DAY IS FIVE THOUSAND FIVE UNITED STATES DOLLARS ($5,500.00) SO IF YOU LIKE TO RECEIVE YOUR FUND IN THIS WAY,PLEASE LET US KNOW BY CONTACTING OUR ATM PAYMENT DEPARTMENT AND ALSO SEND THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION AS LISTED BELOW.

1.FULL NAME:
2.ADDRESS WHERE YOU WANT YOUR ATM SWIFT CARD TO BE SENT: (Don't you need my bank account number too?)
3.PHONE AND FAX NUMBER:
4.YOUR AGE AND CURRENT OCCUPATION:
5.ATTACH COPY OF YOUR IDENTIFICATION: (Will my passport do?)
6.COUNTRY/STATE:

HOWEVER, KINDLY CONTACT OUR ATM PAYMENT SETLEMENT DEPARTMENT ON THEIR BELOW INFORMATION FOR IMMEDIATE RECEIVE YOUR ATM PAYMENT CARD.
REV. DR MARK BECKER OKOH, (A reverend AND a Doctor? He must be a wonderful guy!)
ATM PAYMENT SETLEMENT DEPARTMENT
MOBILE: +234-70924 458 27
EMAIL: atmcardpayment.centerdept811@googlemail.com

THE ATM CARD PAYMENT CENTER HAS BEEN MANDATED TO ISSUE OUT $9,300,000.00 AS PART PAYMENT FOR THIS FISCAL YEAR 2009. ALSO FOR YOUR INFORMATION,YOU HAVE TO STOP ANY FURTHER COMMINUCATION WITH ANY OTHER PERSON(s) OR OFFICE(s) TO AVOID ANY HITCHES IN RECEIVING YOUR PAYMENT.

NOTE:THAT BECAUSE OF IMPOSTORS, WE HEREBY ISSUED YOU OUR CODE OF CONDUCT,WHICH IS (ATM-811) SO YOU HAVE TO INDICATE THIS CODE WHEN CONTACTING THE CARD CENTER BY USING IT AS YOUR SUBJECT. (I have a code of Conduct? Cool!)

REGARDS,
MR.SADIQ ALMAN
CHIEF AUDITOR TO THE PRESIDENT
FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA.

Santa was pleased with Henry this year!

2008-12-31T19:08:00.000-08:00

Many households have a festive Christmas Eve tradition that involves leaving some liquid refreshment by the fireplace for Santa to enjoy when he visits during the night. But domestic goddess that I am not-so-much... I didn't make any cookies this year and as usual I was out of milk... so we left carrots and a beer.
Santa, jolly, grateful fella that he is.. rewarded Henry with a gift that made him run with scissors to open the box.

You see, Henry emailed me about 3 weeks before Christmas with a link to the only thing he wanted this year. A Lego Death Star with all the characters. And he kept checking the Lego website everyday until a few days before Christmas when he sadly saw that they had SOLD OUT. We looked on eBay and Amazon and Googled everywhere to find one, but we could only find sellers who were gouging little kids for $500 bucks apiece, so we gave up. ;-)

And then a box appeared under the tree...

Henry thinks we should leave Santa a beer or two next year and ask for an Xbox 360, a plasma TV for his room and Hellboy the video game. What do you think?

Henry's 1st Piano Recital

2008-11-30T10:09:00.001-08:00

I sure do love you Henry.
Thanks for the video Cheri!

"So I be written in the Book of Love."

2008-11-30T10:00:00.000-08:00

FULL TEXT. READ THIS. LISTEN TO THIS. DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS.

Finally tonight as promised, a Special Comment on the passage, last week, of Proposition Eight in California, which rescinded the right of same-sex couples to marry, and tilted the balance on this issue, from coast to coast.

Some parameters, as preface. This isn't about yelling, and this isn't about politics, and this isn't really just about Prop-8. And I don't have a personal investment in this: I'm not gay, I had to strain to think of one member of even my very extended family who is, I have no personal stories of close friends or colleagues fighting the prejudice that still pervades their lives.

And yet to me this vote is horrible. Horrible. Because this isn't about yelling, and this isn't about politics.
This is about the... human heart, and if that sounds corny, so be it.

If you voted for this Proposition or support those who did or the sentiment they expressed, I have some questions, because, truly, I do not... understand. Why does this matter to you? What is it to you? In a time of impermanence and fly-by-night relationships, these people over here want the same chance at permanence and happiness that is your option. They don't want to deny you yours. They don't want to take anything away from you. They want what you want -- a chance to be a little less alone in the world.

Only now you are saying to them -- no. You can't have it on these terms. Maybe something similar. If they behave. If they don't cause too much trouble. You'll even give them all the same legal rights -- even as you're taking away the legal right, which they already had. A world around them, still anchored in love and marriage, and you are saying, no, you can't marry. What if somebody passed a law that said you couldn't marry?

I keep hearing this term "re-defining" marriage.

If this country hadn't re-defined marriage, black people still couldn't marry white people. Sixteen states had laws on the books which made that illegal... in 1967. 1967.

The parents of the President-Elect of the United States couldn't have married in nearly one third of the states of the country their son grew up to lead. But it's worse than that. If this country had not "re-defined" marriage, some black people still couldn't marry...black people. It is one of the most overlooked and cruelest parts of our sad story of slavery. Marriages were not legally recognized, if the people were slaves. Since slaves were property, they could not legally be husband and wife, or mother and child. Their marriage vows were different: not "Until Death, Do You Part," but "Until Death or Distance, Do You Part." Marriages among slaves were not legally recognized.

You know, just like marriages today in California are not legally recognized, if the people are... gay.

And uncountable in our history are the number of men and women, forced by society into marrying the opposite sex, in sham marriages, or marriages of convenience, or just marriages of not knowing -- centuries of men and women who have lived their lives in shame and unhappiness, and who have, through a lie to themselves or others, broken countless other lives, of spouses and children... All because we said a man couldn't marry another man, or a woman couldn't marry another woman. The sanctity of marriage. How many marriages like that have there been and how on earth do they increase the "sanctity" of marriage rather than render the term, meaningless?

What is this, to you? Nobody is asking you to embrace their expression of love. But don't you, as human beings, have to embrace... that love? The world is barren enough.

It is stacked against love, and against hope, and against those very few and precious emotions that enable us to go forward. Your marriage only stands a 50-50 chance of lasting, no matter how much you feel and how hard you work.

And here are people overjoyed at the prospect of just that chance, and that work, just for the hope of having that feeling. With so much hate in the world, with so much meaningless division, and people pitted against people for no good reason, this is what your religion tells you to do? With your experience of life and this world and all its sadnesses, this is what your conscience tells you to do?

With your knowledge that life, with endless vigor, seems to tilt the playing field on which we all live, in favor of unhappiness and hate... this is what your heart tells you to do? You want to sanctify marriage? You want to honor your God and the universal love you believe he represents? Then Spread happiness -- this tiny, symbolic, semantical grain of happiness -- share it with all those who seek it. Quote me anything from your religious leader or book of choice telling you to stand against this. And then tell me how you can believe both that statement and another statement, another one which reads only "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

You are asked now, by your country, and perhaps by your creator, to stand on one side or another. You are asked now to stand, not on a question of politics, not on a question of religion, not on a question of gay or straight. You are asked now to stand, on a question of...love. All you need do is stand, and let the tiny ember of love meet its own fate. You don't have to help it, you don't have it applaud it, you don't have to fight for it. Just don't put it out. Just don't extinguish it. Because while it may at first look like that love is between two people you don't know and you don't understand and maybe you don't even want to know...It is, in fact, the ember of your love, for your fellow **person...

Just because this is the only world we have. And the other guy counts, too.

This is the second time in ten days I find myself concluding by turning to, of all things, the closing plea for mercy by Clarence Darrow in a murder trial.

But what he said, fits what is really at the heart of this:

"I was reading last night of the aspiration of the old Persian poet, Omar-Khayyam," he told the judge.

"It appealed to me as the highest that I can vision. I wish it was in my heart, and I wish it was in the hearts of all:

"So I be written in the Book of Love;

"I do not care about that Book above.

"Erase my name, or write it as you will,

"So I be written in the Book of Love."

Good night, and good luck.

Putting the scale of our American Consumerism into perspective

2008-10-20T17:26:00.000-07:00

I recently ran across an art project called Running the Numbers, by Chris Jordan, which visually examines the vast measures of consumerism in our society, in large intricately detailed photographs. For me, who does not have a natural math brain, statistics feel abstract and anesthetizing, making them difficult to connect with. These large photographs are joined together from thousands of smaller photographs, putting our wasteful consumerism into visual perspective.

Collectively we are committing a massive act of destruction, but in our individual anonymity, no one is accountable for the consequences. I am appalled by these scenes, and yet also drawn into them. I am not finger wagging either because I am guilty as sin of being wasteful.

Depicts two million plastic beverage bottles, the number used in the US every five minutes.

Partial zoom:

Detail:

Depicts 426,000 cell phones, equal to the number of cell phones retired in the US every DAY.

Partial zoom:

Detail:

Depicts 1.14 million brown paper supermarket bags, the number used in the US every hour.

Partial zoom:

Detail:

Depicts 106,000 aluminum cans, the number used in the US every thirty seconds.

Partial zoom:

Detail:

Depicts 60,000 plastic bags, the number used in the US every five seconds.

Partial zoom:

Detail at actual size:

Where there's a smoker... there's a fire.

2008-07-22T11:12:00.000-07:00

Remember that old lover I found a few months ago on Google?
You know, the one that said my middle of the night phone call that night "re-lit the pilot light in his basement?" Well I had no idea that furnace burned THIS hot.
Click to watch the video.
He is the guy firefighters refer to as "someone."
Sigh.

Trish's Deal of the Week!

2008-06-04T09:21:00.000-07:00

Rather than Wordless Wednesday I am starting Pimping Wednesday, which will also be known as Trish's Deal of the Week. Since this is my 1st one, I will pimp myself. New plugs will be added weekly so if you have a product you make or something think your fellow bloggers will like, email me the details and I will post it.

Trish's 1st Deal of the Week!
I have opened up 2 Cafe Press Shops for fellow blog-addicts and their subjects.
One shop is here with items such as this :

and this:

and this:

or even this:

I opened also opened a shop here with clothing that say's this:

Requested by Jenn and inspired by Cheri (and all the smart subjects of your blogs)

Part 2 - Deal of the Week
While I am pimping myself, let me say that I will also custom design any slogan on any shirt, bumper sticker, mouse pad, you name it. I will open up a store and post your items and when they sell, I will share profits with you. Let's face it we all could use a way to make a couple extra bucks.

Action Item. Tag. Meme.
Consider yourself tagged. Please submit your ideas for next week's Deal of the Week. It can be something you sell or something you found on the web that you love. Just let us know and we will pimp it!
Starting next week.

Amazing Grace on the black keys

2008-05-26T11:06:00.000-07:00

Mutha of the Year?

2008-05-05T21:16:00.000-07:00

Seriously? I heard that Lindsey Lohan's Mom Dina, got a Mother of the Year award from The Long Island Mothers of Celebrities. Umm seriously? Is somebody on that committee smoking crack? snorting crack? shooting it? about to re-enter re-hab? I guess it could have been worse. Lynn Spears? Joan Crawford? Andrea Yates? (inside joke: evilina? the hairless cat?)

Let's vote for a REAL 2008 Mother of the Year.
I vote for Jamie at Choosing my Own. I will award blog-bling to whomever gets the most votes.

Come on, let's start a mutha love-fest complete with stories. Please tell yours.

You can help even if you don't know Nate Berkus...

2008-05-03T07:45:00.000-07:00

This family needs attention. Click here to read why. Then please post the story on your blog or email it to friends. The Universe thanks you.

Winner Wednesday

2008-04-30T19:52:00.001-07:00

Henry and I ran 22 names through our Daniel Boone model random name picking transmogrifier and the lucky WINNER of Trish's T-Shirt Giveaway...Drum Roll Please...

is Jenn@Juggling Life.

I will be posting more after her custom Mommy Blogger t-shirt is designed.

Congratulations Jenn!

To Sleep: Perchance to Dream

2008-04-24T08:02:00.000-07:00

Most nights I find myself wound up so tight that I have a hard time sleeping. A nice cocktail or glass of wine (or 3) is just what the doctor ordered to let some air out of my tires before I go to bed. A little liquid yoga. But then the sugar metabolizes (or whatever) and I am wide awake at 3AM. I've tried the OTC sleeping aides but then I can't get myself awake for 3 days afterwards. I've used melatonin once (or, more accurately, misused it), and it gave me horrid dreams about tornados and axes (so I gave the bottle to my ex-husband.)

I am asking the question.... How do YOU unwind after a long day of wife-ing, working and mommy-ing?

Do you do resort to this?
Or this?

Or this?

Or this?

or something else? What works for you?

(Jamie feel free to answer even though we already know on especially rough days you have confessed your cure is liquid yoga. I guess the grape doesn't fall far from the vine.)

Then and Now.

2008-04-21T12:08:00.000-07:00

I thought I would post a couple pictures from the weekend with the kids.
Some from then, and some from now. The kids and their Dad.
For more pictures if you haven't already been there, go here.

Job Market 2008

2008-04-16T11:12:00.000-07:00

For Wordless Wednesday.

Embarrasing I think.

2008-04-15T10:09:00.000-07:00

I've been suffering from a bit of an inferiority complex lately about my ~~lack of~~ blogging. I ~~browse, lurk on,~~ read so many smart, witty blogs these days that reading has become ~~my lazy way of keeping up in the blog world~~ more exciting for me than writing.

Then I found this test on PhD with Nine Kids blog, that confirms WHY I have a this complex.

This was my daughters score: (not surprisingly)

Then I ran the test on my 8 year old son's poem post and got this.

This was mine. (Embarassingly I think)

The test only reads the most recent post in your blog unless you paste links from specific posts. I can get better scores by putting in some of my more interesting past posts. *sigh*

Trish's T-shirt Giveaway!

2008-04-13T16:06:00.000-07:00

How do you become the lucky winner?
Comment on this post with your t-shirt slogan idea. On ~~May 31st, sorry that is too long to wait!~~ APRIL 30th Henry and I will use our tech skills to run you through our random number generating transmogrifier to pick which comment wins! (NOTE: You are automatically entered if you comment - in case you don't hear back from me before ~~May 31st,~~ APRIL 30th I will blog about/interview the winner after the drawing.)

What's the prize?
The lucky winner will get his or her idea put on a t-shirt (size, style, color) of their choice and shipped for FREE!

For Extra Credit:
Post about this and link to my blog or this Mommy Blogger Shop, and you are awarded this Genuine Certified Blog Bling. (Just take it right off this site with my thanks!)

>>Click here to go to the Mommy Blogger Shop

For the testimonial of 2 satisfied customers, click here.

I've become a virtual shopkeeper.

2008-04-09T13:05:00.000-07:00

I am a stay-home single mom who makes a living doing design work.

I have just opened a Cafe Press shop specifically with you Blogging Moms (and your kids) in mind.

Now available My Mom is blogging this, and I am so going to blog this apparel and gifts.

I will add other items, sizes, colors as requested. Please visit my shop and pass the word on to other Mommy Bloggers you know. I do custom items too. Just let me know what you need.

And if your husbands object to the amount of time you spend reading and writing blogs, send him to the store to buy a mouse pad or clock that says: My Wife is a Blogger
errr... (Professional Clock Eater.)

>>Click here to go to the Mommy Blogger Shop

I guarantee they will come in handy for YOUR blogging photo ops.

Thank you.

Little Lord Fauntleroy has returned

2008-04-06T09:35:00.000-07:00

I don't feel quite right when Henry is gone, although he reminded me this is his eighth trip to England and I should be used to it by now. He has been gone 16 days this time, but it felt like months.

The first thing he wanted to do was take a shower and wash the "English dirt" off of him. He showered, brushed and flossed, then he made a list of the top 10 things/people he missed while he was gone. It included family, teachers, school friends, pets and American food.

I guess he didn't eat very well while he was gone. He got that NARO (Norwalk?) virus and had to go the hospital in London, but he seems ok now. The peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and brownies are going down just fine.

He came home, got into my bed with a new blanket to have a sleep for 2 days. It usually takes him a long weekend to get over his jet lag, but he seems to have adjusted well this time.

While he was napping, I emptied his backpack and found the funniest things in there. I will be photographing and blogging the contents as a future assignment to you all, so get ready to be tagged.

Right now, I am going to go bed myself, knowing that Henry is safe, healthy and in his bed, at home where he belongs. :-) I know you Mom's know that feeling.

I don't write 'em...But I AM a giver.

2008-03-26T18:54:00.001-07:00

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender.

The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, "What's your IQ?"

The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality, bio mimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nano-technology, and sexual proclivities.

The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool." He decides to test the robot.

He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?"

The man responds, "about a 100."

Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, NASCAR, baseball, super models, favorite fast foods, guns, and women's breasts.

Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test.

He heads out and returns, the robot serves him and asks, "What's your IQ?"

The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."

And the robot says...real slowly,

"So... ya gonna vote Republican again?"

Crank Dat Soulja Boy

2008-03-25T17:45:00.000-07:00

A little entertainment while I am gone.

On Spring Break...

2008-03-25T16:52:00.000-07:00

I am off to this place for Spring Break. To see Old Lover. Google. Wow.
I bet I will have lots to report in a week or so. :-)
Stay tuned.

Merlin or Moses?

2008-03-20T11:45:00.000-07:00

I was talking to Cheri the other day about how much I crave, hoard and need INFORMATION. I have a very strong investigational nature. I love learning stuff. I am constantly Googling people, looking up things, being nosy. I found both sides of my entire biological family with my relentless researching. Even the ones who were not named on any official document and may not have wanted to be found (but were wonderful when they were.)

Cheri being the (Merlin or Moses) distiller of wisdom that she is, said, "It's no wonder you crave information. Do you suppose that is because you had your CORE information taken away at birth?" I had never thought of it that way and it certainly explains a lot. I probably am who I am a lot because of that.

On that note, here is one of my favorite quotes/excerpts from: - The Once and Future King, by T.H. White

Merlin, an unusual teacher, tries to help young Wart/Arthur cope with frustration and sadness, one of Merlyn's responsibilities for raising the boy who is destined to become the future King of England.

"The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then - to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn."

I ask you dear readers, who or what made you who you are today?

Wordless Wednesday

2008-03-19T17:51:00.000-07:00

Electronic-free Saturday Challenge!

2008-03-18T14:06:00.000-07:00

This past Saturday, Henry and I declared an electronics-free day. At first we didn't know what to do with ourselves. Deviating from the usual routine of TV, computer, video games and more TV was not easy for us nerds.

Our first clue that it was time to get out, was the dog standing at the door with his leash in his mouth… Walk? Walk. Walk! Walk!! We took the hint and went out for a long hike, taking turns lifting 5 pound weights and picking flowers.

On the way back from our hike Henry asked if we could stop at our elderly widower neighbors house "in case she was lonely." He stuck his fistful of flowers at Mrs. D when she answered the door and she started to cry. So he hugged her and we stayed to visit for a long time. I am sure he would have rather been home playing Guitar Hero for the Wii but he decided to stay and visit so she wouldn't be sad. After that we baked bread, and cleaned the house. Henry helped.

Then he read Calvin and Hobbes before milking the cows and going to bed. Just kidding about the cows, I was seeing if you were still paying attention. Anyway. I highly recommend it.
CHALLENGE: Do a completely electronics free day with your kids and report back on how it went.

Thank you for visiting.

2008-03-17T21:48:00.000-07:00

So many of you really great friends of Choosing my Own and Blog this Mom have been dropping by lately and I just wanted you all to know that I appreciate you, and I will be stopping by your blogs this week. In the meantime, here's a here's a little entertainment for you in honor of today.

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man.
"I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks:
"What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man.
"I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!" the first man says.
"I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."

(WITH APOLOGIES TO ALL YOU MOTHER'S OF TWINS)

Show and Tell Saturday.

2008-03-15T21:03:00.001-07:00

Tagged by jamie (my daughter) at choosing my own... I am dumping and photographing the contents of my purse. I thought this would be an easy post because I carry a small purse. But I guess I am better at cramming 10 pounds of crap in a 5 pound bag than I thought I was.

My red purse. Matches my red car...

...with a side pocket that fits my beloved iPhone perfectly. The spot designed for a non iPhone fits the headphones perfectly.

In addition to an iPhone I have to have an iPod.
So I can iListen to Oprah and A New Earth while on the iMove.

A stack of cards collected from people I have met this week in my attempt to network. THIS card was the prettiest. It had glitter and a little crystal hand-applied to it. She pays a fortune for these cards but I think they are well worth it.

This is all the crap that was at the bottom of my purse and includes the mandatory vanity items: toothpicks, comb, mirror and hairband. Normally there is a lipstick or two - hey where is my lipstick anyway? I also carry a spare iron pill in case I am feeling especially anemic. Oh look, an assortment of sanitizing hand wipes and a great purse hanger. The hanger is there because of something I saw on Oprah about how many deadly germs are on the bottom of the purses we set on floors and then thoughtlessly set on our kitchen counters. (Shameless plug: I also sell these cute purse hangers so if you want to keep your children safe from the salmonella, you need one of these! Email me.)

Sunglasses that I bought in Taiwan when I forgot mine at home in my hurry to dash out of the country.

A real hankie (heavily used) because I was at a funeral for a girlfriend who died of breast cancer last week (at 39 with 2 young daughters.) Go get your mammograms ladies!

A cute little card holder/wallet that is jammed full of all the stupid membership cards we are required to carry nowadays so we don't get gouged at our local store (and they can beef up their mailing lists to send me coupons for stuff they think I want but I really don't.)
P.S. I swear there is only one credit card in there (in case my father, or financial Nazi son-in-law is reading this.)

And finally, mixed in the change was a 2 Euro coin.
I am keeping it to help pay for groceries next week when the dollar is so deflated it's only worth 33 cents and this 2 Euro coin is worth, like $33 dollars.

One Inch Tall Poem - By Henry W.

2008-03-10T22:18:00.000-07:00

If I were the size of a germ,
I could ride a worm,
I would take a year to read a book,
I would need a mini chef hat to cook,
I would need to grow to catch a crook,
If I were the size of a germ.

LUCKY ME!

2008-03-08T11:37:00.000-08:00

Today I went to jamie's blog and found this: Letter to my Dead Grandmother a letter that my daughter wrote to my biological mother who gave me up for adoption in the 1950's. I wrote a little blog entry in 2006 about my birth mother's stay at "Watermelon Hill" but Jamie's words eclipse mine.

The good genes were definitely passed on, and I am so grateful and blessed to have a daughter with this kind of spirit, and a mother who must have too.

Watermelon Hill
by Linda Back McKay (Used by permission, from Ride That Full Tilt Boogie.)

Close the door and never look back.
This is finished for you now.
-Sister Marie Dolores

After she got herself in trouble, they sent her
away to Watermelon Hill, which was not really
its name, but what the boys yelled to the swollen girls
who were to come due at that home for unwed mothers.
A crucifix glared from the roof.
Laurel Taylor was not her real name.
What was real was absolved by Mother
Superior with a flap of her cloak.
Under the Immaculate Heart of Mary
was posted a litany of daily chores.
Miles of buffed linoleum, bars on the windows,
Doctor Crutchfield on Wednesdays, jelly jars
filled with vitamins. The tables were set for forty
or so, depending on who was in labor.
The tuna casseroles smelled like bleach.
Girls back from the hospital sat on donut pillows.
Days passed and the moon sickened.
Laurel Taylor, on her horrible cot with the stars
burning inside her, tried to pray.
It was best to give up your baby, not see or hold it.
It was best to give up your baby, make a plan for it.
Laurel Taylor tried to pray in the chapel,
her cardigan sweater open like a gate.
She fought to be good, to give her blood to some
nice family, to cleanse a child from her name.
Laurel Taylor tried to keep the monsters away
but under some god’s baleful eye, they rose
in a spine-cramping pain that was only the start
of the tearing off.
She lost her son in that war. Wading in water,
being able to see her feet again, she knew there would be
no anointing, no Extreme Unction.
after signing the surrender, she knew
the penance is fault and the loss is eternal.

For Tom: Because he likes pantsuits so much!

2008-03-08T08:04:00.000-08:00

Montezuma's Revenge

2008-03-06T21:35:00.000-08:00

I am so lucky to be Henry's Mum.
Tonight I have been ordered to sit outside the bathroom door while he reads the entire script from the play he is in (in May) from upon his "throne." He is playing all the characters and singing all the songs while he's pooping.

This is a kid who likes to practice behind closed ~~bathroom~~ doors.
He used to make me sit outside the door while he sang/practiced his numbers in Spanish when he was in Kindergarten and for lots of other things since. Something about pooping and singing behind a door must make him feel safe/brave. It's like singing in the shower or the car when you are alone. You know you do it. Anyway, I have been sitting here for 15 minutes, typing this on my phone for posting later (now). We are on scene 2. There are 7 scenes and 7 songs to this play and he is insisting on doing everyone's lines and singing all the songs.

Who else, but another Mom could appreciate how happy I am that I am sitting on a little step stool outside the bathroom door ~~for ages~~ while my little one poops and practices his lines.

LIFE IS SO GOOD! It really is. (Thankfully he came out of the bathroom to finish!)
What weird things have you done to make your kid happy?

Wordless Wednesday - 9 days. Almost Done.

2008-03-05T19:22:00.000-08:00

Day 8 - The contractor is STILL here.

2008-03-04T19:05:00.000-08:00

The good news is there will be no cooking in my kitchen tonight.

The bad news is, my wine is sealed behind a plastic tarp.

and the contractor was clearly born in a barn.

What's in a name?

2008-03-03T19:12:00.000-08:00

Reading Cheri's blog today, gave me ~~an excuse~~ inspiration to blog about the stories behind my children's names. I wouldn't say that these stories are all that interesting but it's an easy story to tell ~~and I am already one day behind on my NaBloPoMo agreement~~ so here I go.

/j(a)-mie-DAWN: (said properly-with a twang)
I think I have apologized over the years to you, but if I haven’t I offer an apology and an explanation now.

"Honey, please understand, it was the 70’s. I didn’t choose your name. I tried to suggest Dharma Star or Rainbow Joplin but I was sadly over-ruled."

Jamie, was her father's idea and Dawn was her ~~Podunk~~ Tennesee Grandma's idea. I was absolutely certain that I was having a boy and his name was going to be Dylan Thomas or Ziggy Freedom anyway. She probably is really ~~horrified~~ thrilled as she reads this, because I have now published her middle name on the world wide web.

Sidenote: I found out after she was born and named and birth certificates and SSN’s were issued that Jamie was the name of her father’s previous girlfriend. The first girl he ever kissed. Nice.

ANTHONY RICHARD and BRANDON MICHAEL:
I was having twins and because I did not choose to find out the sex of any of my children ahead of time, I had to think of 80’s appropriate girl/girl, girl/boy, and boy/boy first and middle name combinations. That was pretty hard for me.

Baby A and Baby B (which is how they are named in the delivery room) became Baby Anthony. I was pushing for Adam Ant and Boy George, but once again, OVER-RULED. Baby B was nameless until they told me I couldn't leave that hospital until he had a name. He became Brandon. That was the name of one of Erica Cane's hunky soap opera husbands, whom I was madly in love with at the time. The middle names were those of their ~~completely disconnected, inattentive~~ godfathers.

HENRY TANNER:
Now, Henry was a name I have always loved (it was my Dad’s middle name) I was ~~pretty~~ absolutely sure I wasn’t having any more children in the new millennium, so we named our beloved chihuahua Henry instead.

Well, the miracle boy came along anyway, and since Henry the chihuahua had ~~been squished by a truck~~ gone over the rainbow bridge many years before, Henry the boy got the much beloved ~~recycled~~ name. I let his teenage brothers choose his middle name. It was a totally rad, California surfer name and I said it was just fine with me as long as his father didn’t complain ~~wring my neck~~. Actually, this was a ~~trick~~ way to get them invested in their little brother early, so they would help change diapers, but I think Henry likes Tanner, so it worked out.

Henry was going to be a Megan Rylee or Riley if he had been a girl. I am glad he wasn’t, because /j(a)-mie-DAWN already had her eye on Rylee for her own future daughter name. I rooked her out of a cooler name for herself, so I am glad I didn’t swipe her girl baby name too.

Maybe that is why on her blog, she calls herself just jamie. She really didn’t want the world to know her middle name is DAWN. Oops.

From: The Pill Versus the Springhill Mine Disaster by Richard Brautigan

2008-03-02T08:24:00.000-08:00

KARMA REPAIR KIT: ITEMS 1-4

1. Get enough food to eat, And eat it.

2. Find a place to sleep where it is quiet, and sleep there.

3. Reduce intellectual and emotional noise until you arrive at the silence of yourself, and listen to it.

4.

Four is my favorite. I am going to go do that right now.
What does your Karma repair kit consist of?

Old lover. Google. Wow.

2008-02-29T15:05:00.000-08:00

Last night, I Googled a man that I hadn't seen or spoken to in 30 years. A man that I remember once loving - so much that though he wouldn't believe this, he has been indelibly etched in my consciousness since the last day I saw him. In 1979. I still have one old photo of us together and after all these years I knew right where to find it too. Third footlocker to the left, under the Christmas decorations and old paint cans. I found it in 30 seconds.

A look at that photo brought back to memory a beautiful, soulful brilliant, BRILLIANT, older man whom I was so smitten with, I could hardly speak in his presence. I remember lying in his bed, behind french doors with billowy curtains and a handwritten sign that said: Impasse. I talked a good hello but she talked an even better goodbye, while he read beat poet Richard Brautigan books and kissed me and stroked my hair and totally got under my skin. He was so cool. And I recall he broke it off with me, because I got too old for him at the ancient age of 21.

By his recollection I was a skinny, neurotic, emotionally unavailable and real emotional girl whom he slept with a few times and who maybe typed a few letters in his office now and then. He did remember reading poetry books but he also remembered me as the girl who wouldn't go to Ohio for the holidays to meet his family and the girl who didn't appreciate the gorgeous expensive dresses he thoughtfully picked out 'specially for me. And he recalls that I was mean to him and broke it off, and maybe even hurt him a little.

How do I know this is what he recalls?

Because true to my investigative nature, I Googled him, found him, chucked all caution to the wind, picked up the phone at 9:30 PM (after midnight his time) and called Poling Music in Nashville TN.

I was just trying to see if I could find his voicemail, listen to his voice and see if it really was him. I thought I was calling his office but he answered! When he picked up live, all I could say (remember, I could hardly speak in his presence) was "Oh my gawd... Tom Poling! Oh my gawd, do you remember me? Oh my gawd..." I can't remember what else I said in those first few minutes, but I will tell you that we talked for 4 hours, maybe more and he told me stories and read poetry to me over the phone. Richard Brautigan, Rumi and Tom Poling, m.d. originals. My heart soared, I thanked him for making me really happy.

And he thanked me for calling him, and told me that somehow with my middle of the night phone call, I had snuck into his basement in Nashville TN. and relit his pilot light.

DO NOT SLEEP

2008-02-29T11:20:00.000-08:00

...until you have listened to this young man Derrick Ashong. Please listen to both of these videos (first one first). I think the interviewer in the first link thought he was going to get a different kind of response from this young man. Was he ever surprised.

This made me weep.

Wordless Wednesday - posted on Thursday for the following reasons:

2008-02-28T12:39:00.000-08:00

I am having the whole house painted and I couldn't find my computer.

Adventures in Taiwan or Why I Cherish My Blog Header Picture.

2008-02-26T04:52:00.000-08:00

In 2002 when Henry's Grandmother died in England, his Dad took him away to the funeral and didn't "allow" me to go. We were separated at the time and I was just not included. I was really sad and could not stand staying uselessly home alone so I hastily planned a trip. My 1st ever to an Asian country. Actually I didn't plan. I bought a ticket. Packed in 20 minutes. Forgot my glasses (1 hour eyeglass places are cheap in Taipei). Didn't have time to get NT. (Taiwanese money) Didn't call my bank to let them know I was leaving the country and subsequently got cut off from all cash AND credit and had to panhandle while abroad. (A tale for another blog.) I had no idea what I was getting into food, language or culture-wise. But I AM a true wanderlust so I just got on the plane and went.

I landed in the People's Republic of China and the first thing I saw after exiting the huge metal can I had been flying in for 15 hours, was a sign that said: Drug trafficking is punishable by death in the R.O.C.

Luckily, I didn't even have so much as a sleeping pill on me (I forgot those too.)

After successfully clearing customs, I tried to hail a taxi to take me to the hotel I had hastily booked online. (There's that word again) The address, 70 Yong Kang Street, seemed simple enough, only I didn't know that no one in Taiwan speaks English and they don't understand Western letter characters. Do you see any anywhere?

I ended up finding the right bus bus to town (about an hour away) and finding my "place." I needed a bath, a bed and breakfast in that order.

Everything in Taiwan is crowded. Floor space is measured in "pings" there which is roughly the size of two tatami mats, or 3.5 square meters. The room was a super small 10 pings, and 8 flights of stairs up. It was about 110 degrees there with no air conditioning. The bathroom was a little room with a shower head sticking out of the wall, a sink and toilet but no tub enclosure or shower curtain. You just showered in the room and everything got wet. I hastily showered and went to bed.

Wide awake at 5:00AM the next morning (it's tomorrow there today) I decided to take a walk down the street and look for food I could actually EAT and maybe a real cup of java. I had no idea that the food in Taiwan consisted of stuff that we Americans would NOT want to put in our trash, let alone our mouths. Anyone for some nice juicy chicken testicles with a swig of cobra blood to wash it down?
Or how 'bout a freshly beheaded chicken. White or dark meat? (Skin sold separately)

I came upon a 7 Eleven, but nothing looked familiar inside. I bought a carton of something that looked like iced green tea (give me caffeine please) and took it outside in the already sweltering morning. As I was walking and drinking my "tea" I realized I was getting a buzz, and not the caffeine kind.

Anyway, I know my limitations few as they are. I was definitely in a world I had not anticipated or prepared for, yet I found myself here and needed to make the best of it.

I found a good cup of tea here. Well actually the tea tasted like an ashtray but it was better than anything I had discovered so far. They also had good cold noodles that tasted like peanut butter. I probably walked about 2 miles before I saw... a COFFEE SHOP! WITH WESTERN COFFEE! And a menu WITH PICTURES that I could point to. Hurray.

Walking to that coffee shop every morning, for the 7 days I was there, became my morning ritual. So did slowing down a bit and planning future trips better.

I have been back to Taiwan twice more since then. And I have learned to LOVE the food and culture a lot. But I made sure to go to my Chinese Barista each time.

There are Starbucks on every other corner now but I still love my coffee shop the best.

It was 4 stories tall so I took my camera and my coffee to the top floor and set it up on the timer to capture the moment. THAT cup of coffee WAS good to the last drop.

And 6 years later it's the header of my blog.

How creative are you?

2008-02-20T22:03:00.001-08:00

67%

This is a little embarassing since I depend on creativity for a living. Oh and my 8 year old son is 3% more creative than me. Hello new partner in PMW! Design.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-02-20T18:01:00.000-08:00

Gran and the Airbag

2008-02-12T13:24:00.000-08:00

A lady was video taping her son riding a skateboard when her attention switched to an old woman trying to cross the street. You might need to watch it twice to get the full effect on the driver. If you turn the volume up, you can hear the photographer giggling as she records the event.
Go granny go!....

Sharktank Redemption

2008-02-06T20:10:00.000-08:00

Red: [narrating] "These walls are funny. First you hate ‘em, then you get used to ‘em. Enough time passes, you get so you depend on them. That’s institutionalized."

"Forty years I been asking permission to piss. I can't squeeze a drop without say-so."

-Ellis Boyd 'Red' Redding

I watched Shawshank Redemption for the 16th time the other night and it made me quite sad to think about the many days I have spent behind a desk, in a cubicle, working for someone else. I have spent about 31 years x 50 weeks a year x 40 hours a week in a cardboard box, behind a desk that didn't belong to me. 31 years doing my best most vibrant work for some f#ck-stick big corporation that just thanklessly swallowed me up and asked for more.

62,000 hours of my life that I didn't spend with my kids or friends or traveling, reading, dancing or doing things that I really wanted to do.

Now I have my own business and I shuffle to my computer every morning and sit down in front of it and create stuff. Yet I don't seem to be able to give myself permission to go grocery shopping, take a bath, go to the gym, walk the dog around the block or squeeze a drop during "normal working hours."

That’s institutionalized, isn't it?

Guess I better shake that cubicle mindset and get busy living... or get busy faxing.

Just Say No.

2008-02-06T19:35:00.001-08:00

I wonder why when a man says no, that is the end of the conversation but when a woman says no, it is the beginning of a negotiation?

Little Temple of Heaven...

2008-01-21T12:56:00.000-08:00

<<< Henry and I in China in front of the Temple of Heaven.

Henry and I were recently looking through a photo album of our trip to China and fondly remembering our visit to the Temple of Heaven in Beijing. It took 14 years to build this temple and it has been rebuilt, moved and reconstructed many times. This temple served as the place where the emperor, as the 'Son of Heaven', directly beseeched Heaven to provide a bountiful harvest throughout the land.

Last night we built our own little Temple of Heaven. It is a 301 piece 3-D wooden puzzle that took us about 3 hours to number and build on the dining room table. This puzzle will now (just like the original) need to be moved and reconstructed by my little 'Son of Heaven' in order for us to have a bountiful harvest and room to eat by dinner-time.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree...

2008-01-20T10:06:00.000-08:00

Check out: Henry's thing-ama-jig.
Inspired by his sister's new blog, Henry set up his own blog all by himself and added posts, pictures and a SLIDESHOW with zero help from me. I don't even know how to add slideshows and music. Now I will have to star wearing My son is blogging this t-shirts instead of the other way around.

While we are on the subject of killer theater (below) and oppressed teenagers...

2008-01-07T15:18:00.001-08:00

Henry and I are going to see THIS on Friday night!!!

I HEART TED NEELY FOREVER!!!!

2008-01-07T15:02:00.001-08:00

I was raised in a VERY strict Catholic home that did not allow rock music, bell bottom blue jeans or gawd forbid bikini underwear among other things. As teenagers do, I always managed to find ways of getting around these oppressive "rules." I would hide my jeans in the garage, wear my bikini's under my big girl underwear and listen to rock opera under the guise that it was "all about Jesus, mom. How can that be bad?"

In 1973 the movie Jesus Christ Superstar came out and I got to go with a girlfriend, unaccompanied by a parent. A rare treat for me. My mother clearly had not heard the music or lyrics and would never have let me go if she had seen King Herod's song. She was just pleased that I was interested in a musical about the Crucifiction of Jesus Christ.

At this movie/musical I fell madly in LOVE, LOVE with Ted Neely who plays Jesus in the movie. He is burned in my brain and my heart forever. Seriously!

Yesterday Henry and I went to see the live version of JCSS at the Civic theater and TED NEELY is still playing Jesus all these 35 long years later. I have to say the performance is as powerful as I remembered and if you don't believe me... watch these. I urge you to watch them until the very end. That's when they give me the chills.

Jesus has a little arm flab these days, but he still blows my mind. What a killer performance! (no pun intended.)

1973 movie version

2008 live stage version

Oh and this one is for you MOM!

Don't even bother....

2008-01-05T16:40:00.000-08:00

looking here anymore. I am done blogging for a while. I apologize to my 3 loyal readers.

Please DO look here though, and follow the story of George in Confessions of a Corporate Groveler ...One Mans Guide To Navigating the Corporate World.

And please pass it on if you find it interesting.

Henry's Recipe for the Perfect Christmas

2007-12-22T09:31:00.000-08:00

Ingredients:

Ornaments
Decorations
Presents
Family
Fun
Happiness
Grateful
Memories

Directions:

First mix the happiness with the family.
Second mix presents with the ornaments
Third mix the fun with the grateful
Bake everything in a cupcake pan
Cook it at 6 1/2 degrees
Take it out of the oven
That is how you make Christmas into a wonderful day!

Love, Henry

12 Days of Christmas! I love this.

2007-12-08T09:25:00.000-08:00

Thanks for the link Wendy.

Separated at birth? I ask you.

2007-12-04T20:41:00.001-08:00

Actress Helen Hunt and Georgia Head Coach, Mark Richt

Big Brother winner Chantelle Houghton and Paris Hilton

Jar Jar Binks and South Carolina quarterback Blake Mitchell

Evangeline Lilly and Jessica Biel

The Apple iPhone, and the LG KE850

This guy and me

134 facts I didn't check.

2007-12-02T21:28:00.001-08:00

1- Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

2- Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

3- There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

4- The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

5- A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
6- There are more chickens than people in the world.

7- The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."

8- On a Canadian two-dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag. (I guess that's why we use 2 dollar coins now)

9- All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.

10- No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple.

11- "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

12- Almonds are a member of the peach family.

13- There are only 4 words in the English language which end in "dous":tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

14- A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

15- An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

16- Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

17- In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.

18- Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

19- The characters Bert & Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life."

20- A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

21- A goldfish has a memory span of 3 seconds.

22- It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

23- The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.

24- In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

25- The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

26- The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

27- There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.

28- The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night.

29- A cockroach can live nine days without its head before it starves to death.

30- A polar bear's skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear.

31- Elvis had a twin brother named Aaron, who died at birth, which is why Elvis' middle name was spelled Aron: in honor of his brother. It is also misspelled on his tomb stone.

32- Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

33- More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.

34- Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

35- Shakespeare invented the words "assassination" and "bump."

36- Marilyn Monroe had 6 toes on one foot.

37- If you keep a goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white.

38- Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

39- Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.

40- The sentence "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter in the English language.

41- The names of the continents all end with the same letter with which they start.

42- TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard.

43- The word racecar and kayak are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.

44- A snail can sleep for 3 years.

45- American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.

46- The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

47- Vatican City is the smallest country in the world with a population of 1,000 and a size of 108.7 acres.

48- "I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

49- No president of the United states was an only child.

50- The average chocolate bar has 8 insects' legs in it.

51- A rat can last longer without water than a camel.

52- Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks

or it will digest itself. YUCK!

53- The dot over the letter " i " is called a tittle.

54- A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

55- A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.

56- A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.

57. A 2 X 4 is really 1-1/2 by 3-1/2.

58. During the chariot scene in "Ben Hur", a small red car can be seen in the distance.

59. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily!

60. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

61. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

62. The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.

63. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple and silver.

64. The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan". There was never a recorded Wendy before.

65. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.

66. If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

Who was the sadist who discovered this??

67. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w the film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the normal.....today.

68. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA".

69. The original name for butterfly was flutterby.

70. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

71. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.

72. Roses may be red, but violets are indeed violet.

73. By raising your legs slowly and laying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand. GOOD FACT TO REMEMBER?? Maybe next time...

74. Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.

75. Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.

76. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

77. Sherlock Holmes NEVER said "Elementary, my dear Watson".

78. An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take more than 3 steps backwards while dancing.

79. The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher.

80. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.

81. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go out into space because passing wind in spacesuits damages them. Not to mention the other drawback to farting in such a confined space....

82. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave!!

83. Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.

84. Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

85. The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.

86. No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.

87. Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

88. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

89. Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.

90. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

91. The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.

92. A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.

93. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating 1 olive from each salad served in first-class.

94. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

95. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

96. The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

97. Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

98. The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.

99. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

100. Marilyn Monroe had six toes.

101. All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public.

102. Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

103. Pearls melt in vinegar.

104. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

105. The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

106. It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.

107. A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why. Hey, that is in here twice....

108. The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.

109. Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first US president whose name contains all the letters from the word "criminal." The second was William Jefferson Clinton.

110. Turtles can breathe through their butts. Heee heee thats Henry's favorite.

111. Butterflies taste with their feet.

112. In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined.

113. On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.

114. On average people fear spiders more than death.

115. Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.

116. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

117. Only one person in two billion will live to be 116
or older.

118. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

119. It's physically impossible for you to lick your
elbow. (Coco can!)

120. The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.

121. A snail can sleep for three years.

122. No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH."

123. Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.

124. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. SCARY!!!

125. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

126. All polar bears are left handed.

127. In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.

128. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

129. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

130. "Go," is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

131. If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall. Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

132. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

133. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

134. Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

135. Almost everyone who reads this email will try to lick their elbow.

Funny Quote of the Day

2007-11-27T20:07:00.001-08:00

Art Quote of the Day

2007-11-27T20:01:00.000-08:00

A Shameless Plug for Preserving Priceless Memories (with my help of course.)

2007-11-07T20:21:00.001-08:00

After the recent wildfires and all the evacuations, it occurred to me that many people had to make some fast decisions about what they had room for, and time to grab, in an emergency. It is really sad that if you forget about something and your house is lost, so are those memories. Forever.

I know how this feels, because my first house burned down and I lost everything we had. All my furniture, clothes, pictures,all of my daughters macaroni art, my grandma's scarves. (At age 20 you haven't accumulated that much good stuff, but I remember long after the fire, going to look for something precious and sadly reminding myself, it was not there anymore and I was not going to get it back. (My daughter just reminded me that her fish "Marsh" and "Tooshie" met an untimely death by boiling in their aquarium - which I can not remedy.)

What I learned in that crisis is that things can be replaced by insurance; even collectibles can be replaced, and now-a-days family pictures can be backed up on computers. But heirlooms, once gone, can never be restored or replaced. I could never replace the finger paintings my kids made me for Mother's Day or the needlepoint pillow my Grandma made for my reading chair.

THIS (see below) isn't easy to grab in an emergency.
And it isn't even easy to enjoy or share when you want to.

But these books are. Photo books are an amazing way to capture a treasure or remember an event (and they are perfect gifts as well.)

You CAN preserve your precious memories and treasures and I can help you do it.

Call or email me and I can make your boxes of "stuff", into books that can be enjoyed and that will be treasured and safe for a lifetime, or more.

100% unprompted kid advice on how to win the IronMan World Championship

2007-11-07T19:21:00.000-08:00

Henry's teacher is competing in a World IronMan competition this week. She has won 2 World Championships already so she obviously knows what she is doing but Henry wanted to make her a card before she left to wish her good luck.

I absolutely swear, I had NOTHING to do with the content of this card but I sure think it's sweet. See pictures and translations below. I took these pictures on my iPhone because of course whenever I need my camera the battery is dead.

SWIM.
"Here's some advice SWIM as hard as you can and you just might beat everyone!"

BIKE.
"Biking Advice: If everybody has a street bike, get a dirt bike."

RUN.
"Running advice: Always keep your hands flat because the air goes past it so you can run faster

HAVE CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF.
"Never give up no matter what it is, just DO NOT give up." Good Luck!

AND A VISUAL 1st place cup with the words "Here take it!"

I sure hope she does! Go Molly!

Putting a Billion into perspective.

2007-10-18T09:44:00.000-07:00

I am really cranky today. I just read this.

A billion seconds ago it was 1975. War in Vietnam, Watergate scandal, VHS and Betamax video, Margaret Thatcher becomes the British Prime Minister, Queen releases 'Bohemian Rhapsody', and the world's population breaks the four billion mark
A billion minutes ago was not long after Jesus was crucified
A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age
A billion dollars ago was 17 hours, at the rate Washington spends taxpayers' money to kill people

The US Military budget for 2007 is $532.8bn. This excludes nuclear weapons research and production, and also exludes the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq ($120bn for 2007). Who gets this money?

Are you prickly or goo?

2007-10-13T18:57:00.000-07:00

Thank you so much Jamie, for turning me on to Alan Watts!!!!

Our Night at The San Diego Film Festival

2007-09-29T12:46:00.000-07:00

Last night was the final festival showing before the release of The Pacific and Eddy, a movie written and directed by Matthew Nourse. The film, starred Ryan Donowho, Dominique Swain, Mark Gregg, Susan Highsmith, James Duval with cameo appearances by British rocker Nikki Sudden and yep... my Henry.

Here are some pictures from the festival last night. Henry was a little shy. An NBC affiliate approached him for an interview but ran and hid behind me. The Director asked him to join the Q and A after the movie, but he just wanted to watch from his seat. The packed theater cheered and chanted for him to go up but he hid under my wrap. Still, it was a fun night. We were on our way to the after-party at the W Hotel (at Henry's insistence) but he fell asleep in the car on the way there. Ahhh bless him. He was wiped out from his reluctant little moment in the spotlight, behind my dress.

Right back at ya!

2007-09-12T22:40:00.000-07:00

A picture of lovely doo-rag Laura and Hen-Hen taking a picture of me with a cell phone... taking a picture of them with a cell phone.

This could be a new Flickr group.

Happy 1/2 Birthday Baby...

2007-09-12T21:59:00.000-07:00

Thank you Laura's Mom for throwing a heck of a half-birthday party for Henry. With only 30 minutes notice she threw together a swimming party, complete with a fabulous sushi dinner, brownies and SOY ice cream with a candle, sprinkles and balloon, and a SUPER cool skull doo-rag present. (How does she do it?) See his happy beaming 7 1/2 year old face.

Coming Soon....

2007-09-04T23:02:00.000-07:00

...How we spent our summer vacation.

Includes kaleidoscopic tales of dancing, saving baby birds, helping orphans, fabulous musicals, really bad blind dates, major dental work, needles, needles and more needles.

Tonight we just got back from the doggy-hospital. Duke is in pain, throwing up, dehydrated and had to be admitted. They are doing Xrays, blood work and giving him an IV. They think he may have eaten mushrooms or oleander. Estimate for the first 24-48 hours? $2000! F-WORD!

Henry JUST got to bed at 11:04PM. Tomorrow is the first day of school. Should be fun.

They came out of thin air. (Literally)

2007-08-26T14:12:00.000-07:00

Can you say Up-set!

Last year the Mountain Country Plumbing team didn’t exist. In the past year, the fledgling team played near the top of the league all summer long, and on Sunday, won the Gilpin County Softball League Championship Tournament.

“We are the champions,” they chanted at the end of the game, joy in their faces after an intense two days of slamming balls and running bases.

The Tanya Putnam Memorial Tournament began last week on Tuesday. On Thursday night, Mountain Country played the undefeated Rollinsville Rockies, last year’s champions. Mountain Country took the lead but soon the game was tied as the teams battled into the sunset.

Mountain Country played like it was all about winning and inched their way to a 6-6 tie in the sixth inning when the umpire called the game on account of no more light and the playerscouldn’t see. The teams agreed to have a playoff inning first thing Saturday morning before the semi-final championships.

With two teams fired up to play at the end of the season, it was an anticlimactic beginning to the second to last day of games. But the one-inning showdown turned out to be an entire game. Neither team could pull ahead and the game was tied 8-8 at the end of seven innings. And then the Plumbing team forged ahead, beating the Rockies, 13-8.

Then the boys and girls of summer tossed in their mitts.

Small town fun.

2007-08-10T10:41:00.000-07:00

You may remember our trip to Colorado around this time last year to the small hippie mountain town where my 2 older sons live. I love this tight-knit community and my son's are thriving there.
We didn't go to visit this year, although my heart strings were yanking on me.

6 weeks ago, I got a call from my oldest son Anthony, to tell me he had severely broken his leg playing baseball. He slid into third and heard it snap as he hit the bag. (He didn't take his foot off the bag to go to the hospital though, until they had a pinch runner for him.)

Surely he would need him Mom to come take care of him for a few weeks while he had to stay off his feet. Umm guess not. He had plenty of friends and lots of help and he didn't need ME, thank you very much. He figured out how to play the sympathy card quickly and had girl friends taking him to the grocery store, post office, doctors appointments and buddies taking him with them golfing, fishing and to the softball games. He has been having plenty of fun with out his Mommy there to take care of him.

This is from the local paper at the end of July.

GILPIN COUNTY TIMES: Gilpin County’s summertime softball is just for fun - most of the time. The players consist of men, women and young athletes just out of high school. There are some retired baseball veterans and some innocent newcomers to the game. There are married couples and singles looking for a double. Most of all there is the spirit of friendly competition, the old-time rivalries and the moments of heroism, when old bones slide into unforgiving bases. (Old bones? Geez, he's only 25!)

Well I am proud to announce that they just won the championship last week. When the little local paper updates their website. I will post a picture of my sons in their Championship uniforms! Anthony is the one with the broken leg.

Once there was a way

2007-08-09T09:30:00.001-07:00

Yeah, I know. You keep coming to look for a new blog and there hasn't been one in ages.
I apologize. I apologize with a gift. This guy is totally amazing.

Punch Out the President! (and Pals)

2007-08-08T20:32:00.000-07:00

Look at the little gem I found at the 99 cents only store, in the kiddie section, right next to the Bratz coloring books and the 99 cent version of the King James Holy Bible. It's a paper doll book of Dubbya and friends. I wonder if it comes with a Satan costume.

Mile 1.

2007-08-03T12:04:00.000-07:00

Hey you. Yeah you. Huge corporation that I dedicated the past 10 years to.
Work/Life Balance. HA. THANK YOU for laying me off! You can have your stupid parking space back! I've started my own business.

Yeah, life can be tough, but it's never too late to get a new one!

The Happy Pose

2007-07-21T16:15:00.000-07:00

Kids today are under a lot of stress. Homework, good grades, pressure to compete with other children, endless activities -- it all adds up. So Henry and I have added one more activity to our endless schedule. We started taking Yoga to help us relax. Here is Henry in his favorite poses. He called them his Happy pose and his I wish I was on the sofa watching TV pose.

Number Eight, from 1975

2007-07-18T00:35:00.000-07:00

I have been getting requests to finish my 8th "meme." (The other 7 are here in case you missed them.) It's hard for me to choose an 8th and final one as I could give you 888 from my colorful life. Fortunately for you dear readers, I have forgotten most of my childhood. So here I go, by popular request with number 8. A cube. A Fibonacci number. A theory that makes use of an example about the rate at which rabbits breed but reminds me how much I hated math. Sorry, I digress.

Blog this Mom suggested I write about the time I snuck out of the house to go to the Welcome to my Nightmare concert, my parents had forbidden me to go to. Good enough.

It is 1975. I am 17. My carry a big stick, religious, control freak mother considered Alice Cooper a menace to society. With his graphically theatrical stage show of blood and gore that included dead babies, black widows and his own simulated death via guillotine, she considered his performances as a sign of the apocalypse. I considered them a sign of the ultimate revolution against parental control. And I wanted to join.

My parents pretty much kept us under lock, key and alarm system. (My brother and I both figured out how to get out any time we wanted and he ran away numerous times - but that is stuff for another blog, or his blog - if he has one.)

I tried to calculate the odds of getting caught and decided whatever they were, it would be worth it to see Alice Cooper. In my attempt to duck the Fort Knox-like motion sensors and the 3rd from the bottom step alarm, the wired basement window and the weight sensitive driveway bell, I forgot my purse. I made it 15 miles to the venue but without the $16.00 I needed for a general admission ticket. So I determinedly stood outside the ticket office and panhandled for coins the kindly passer-bys would chuck at me. Hey, I made it into the concert and back home before my parents were the wiser. I am nothing if not determined, and that concert was worth every penny - priceless even.

The other day a lady came up to me in the parking lot of Vons, with a story about how she was supporting her homeless family after being laid off in a bad job market and she needed money for tampons or something. I handed her $3.00 and went in to do my shopping. When I was going through the checkout, I saw her with my $3.00, buying lottery tickets in the front of the store. Creative. Nothing if not determined, I guess. I wonder if she knows the odds of winning are 80 million to 1. She probably hates math too.

Sweet, Sweet Victory...

2007-07-11T07:03:00.000-07:00

“He that can have Patience, can have what he will.” - Benjamin Franklin

Henry and I patiently waited in line. At last we can eat again!!

WORD! For the 4th...

2007-07-11T06:51:00.000-07:00

...what Aaryn at RubySoho said.

State Fair Faces 2007

2007-07-02T12:53:00.000-07:00

Last year I did a short blog about the hardened faces of carnies.

This year, I have to say fair organizers seem to have found a better crop of carnies. Dare I say even healthy, well rested and less drug-addict looking.

This may explain it.

Adventurous food.

2007-06-25T20:21:00.000-07:00

I am desperately trying to get Henry to expand his food horizon beyond peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, bagels and ProMax bars. I am constantly trying to convice him to try new things. Tonight I may have gone too far.

Mum: "Henry try this. It's really good. Seriously, you'll like it."

Henry: "NO WAY!! I am NOT eating the EVIL CRACKEN."

One more thing...

2007-06-19T23:37:00.001-07:00

Today my blog is 1 year old. Happy Bee-day blog!

The Swarm - Part Duex

2007-06-19T22:45:00.000-07:00

I have a bee in my bonnet... I can't believe this didn't make the local news.

Last night, the men in white, set off a bee bomb that killed 80,000 killer bees in the bedroom wall of the house across the street.

Those same bees attacked 15 people on our street earlier yesterday. 11 paramedics and firemen were stung 2 or more times each. They attacked one neighbor and her dog and stung them several times. They also stung the cute guy working across the street 17 times. (I saw him without his shirt today and he has a tattoo over his heart of MY name.) Does anyone have a home remedy for bee stings I can take over to him? (bee still my heart)

Anyway, tonight so far, they have pulled 150 POUNDS of honey from the same bedroom wall the bees were living in 100 yards from my front door. Henry and I got to see bags chocked full of sticky sweet honey combs. Ahh local honey. Good for allergies, except when it has been poisoned to kill off it's 80,000 little factory workers.

Just goes to show, you never know what goes on behind closed doors, under t-shirts or inside walls.

The Swarm

2007-06-18T23:08:00.001-07:00

No doubt you have heard or read about the mysterious disappearance of honey bees in the U.S.

While, picnickers may cheer their demise, some websites speculate that this may be due to the increased use of cell phones and the corresponding electromagnetic pollution.

As most of you know, I recently disconnected my land line to go all cellular. But anyone who has tried to talk to me while I am at my house can attest, that was a HUGE mistake, as there is NO CELL SERVICE in my neighborhood.

That may explain this:

When I came home tonight after being gone all day long, my cul-de-sac was blocked off with cones, signs and yellow tape along with a huge sign in the street that said "Killer Bee's!"

As I slowed to read the various signs, a man walked up to me and told me I could go home, but I ought to put the roof up on my car before I drove past the area. Firemen had been here most of the afternoon doing whatever they do to disperse a huge swarm of bees that had descended on our street. And, tonight there were 2 white trucks, working in the dark until after 10PM with men on ladders, wearing white suits. What the hell? I feel like I am in a movie.

The bees (killer or otherwise) have apparently found the only safe-haven from that debilitating condition known as, ahhh, bee membrane sensitivity syndrome. Or.... Tom, have you been chucking basketballs at the bee balls again?

Click here to view the spread of killer bees in the U.S.

Cyber-begging for a really good friend...

2007-06-18T20:07:00.001-07:00

This is a message I got from someone I really love, who is ill and beginning to get desperate. I promised I would try to help in whatever small way I can so I am trying to get the message out. NO PRESSURE, SERIOUSLY!! But if you are interested, his story can be found here: Lymphocytic Dad

I am opening my heart Chakra's with this...

2007-06-15T08:41:00.001-07:00

my new car, in Paprika Red.

Me Me Me

2007-06-11T09:39:00.000-07:00

Blog this Mom has tagged me for a thing called “meme”. The object of meme is to blog eight random facts about myself and then pass it on. I Googled meme and found a website that explained a meme like this: Memes are contagious ideas, all competing for a share of our mind in a kind of Darwinian selection. As memes evolve, they become better and better at distracting and diverting us from whatever we'd really like to be doing with our lives. They are a kind of Drug of the Mind. Kind of like blogging.

I am not sure anyone will find MY memes worthy of being considered a drug of the mind (more like diarrhea of the mouth) but since I have been tagged... here goes ... (she made me do it)

The rules:

1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Fact #1. Cue the Sun!

My childhood was a constructed reality show. The very 1st Truman Show. No, the very 1st Survivor. Without going into the Mommy Dearest detail, I was adopted by a women who did not like children. I suspect she adopted so she could have little personal servants. My adopted brother and I were the family Cinderella's. We did all the chores, made and served cocktails and entertained the guests, painted the house, took care of the 7 1/2 acres of lawn and the 6000 sq. ft. house we grew up in. When we went out or had company over, she would dress us alike, so as to appear like a cute little matchy, matchy family set. My mom, my sister (her biological child) and I, all had several matching outfits, complete with matching scarves we tied under our chins. It was really creepy.

Our "reward" for a perfect performance, was a beautiful home with a sparkling swimming pool, clay tennis courts, a basketball court, a volleyball court, a trampoline, several boats and a private plane. Oh and a good education at a private, all girls school.

I always felt like there had been a big cosmic mistake made. This life was not real. This was not MY life. Somebody accidentally switched me at birth. Right? Then at a mere 6 or 7 years of age, I made a conscious decision to pretend that I was an actor in a television show or movie. My every drama being documented and filmed. I decided that all I had to do was be the best performer in my "Truman Show" and I would be released with an award for Best Child Actor in a Reality Show and I would be able to go live my REAL life. I was 6 or 7, jumping on the trampoline when I got this bright idea. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was totally convinced that this was the answer. I have since learned that this is a survival technique. We don't have to accept the reality of the world with which we are presented, but we usually do.

Fact #2 Kiss me I am IRISH.

When I was 30, I searched for and found my biological family. I could easily write way more than 8 cool facts about that, but I will just tell this one for now. When I finally found and met my biological father, he gave me the best gift an adopted kid could EVER receive. The most incredible unimaginably fantastic gift; he presented me with a beautiful 312 page leather bound book that traced my genealogy back to 1657 with solid facts, photos and documents, and back to the savage tribes of Ireland to about 570 BC. Yes I said B.C.!

Geneological records were preserved among the early Irish with unusual care, and the achievements of ancient heroes were handed down from generation to generation much like Homer's Iliad among the Greeks. The chronology is very uncertain but a Father Murphy of Kildare Country (from 1896-9) attempted to trace the ancestry back to Ugaine, who is alleged to have died in 570 B.C. after being head King of Ireland for 40 years. The stories in this book are incredible and my father even dog-eared and underlined names in the book connecting me as far back as great-great-great grandparents. Mine. The adopted kid who had 30 years of not knowing anything about my biology, suddenly knew more than I could have ever dreamed! Probably more that most people know. I HAVE ROOTS! Me. OK, where are the cameras?

Fact #3 I need a 12 Step-Program
I am hopelessly hooked on mashed potatoes and Natural Thick Cut Sea Salted potato chips. I eat them all the time (especially for breakfast). I have had to admit to a power higher than myself, that I am powerless over potatoes. I must be IRISH or something.
Oh, wait... see Fact #2.

Fact #4 There is a little bit of Broadway in everyone.

I love drama. Though I have had plenty of it in my life, its not the life drama that I like so much. It is the theater. And I especially LOVE musicals. I was in heaven last night eating potato chips and watching the Tony's. They made me want to learn to dance and sing, then grab Henry and run off to New York/Broadway. That leads me to Fact # 5.

Fact #5 I might be an elf or a hobbit

I suppose most people love to travel or go on vacation anyway, but I really have a deep wanderlust spirit. Wanderlust is a term used in a series of book I have never read, that describes a genetic process that a race called "Kender" (Which are akin to wood elves or hobbits) go through, during which they are overpowered by an insatiable urge to leave behind any permanent location for residence and simply explore. I have that, and would think nothing of picking up and moving on a whim (and I have many times.)

But, I have finally put down some roots and have a real home base. This is the longest I have stayed in one place. But it doesn't stop me from bumming around when I can. My passport currently has 27 or 28 stamps in it. I want to go somewhere I have never been, every year and now I am going to start to take Henry with me. Poor little bug-a-lug. He won't have much choice. I will continue to travel until I can't do it anymore but at least I have somewhere stable to call home and I will never again, come home with a new husband.

Fact # 6. I could use a companion this year

After not dating for 5 years or so, I might be ready to venture out this year. I need to find a boyfriend who:
- Doesn't ever want to get married
- Is kind to kids and animals
- Is sensitive, perceptive, intuitive, creative and loving
- Is a brilliant conversationalist
- Is adventuresome and loves to travel
- Is a theater lover more than a sports fan
- Is as smart as Steve Jobs and as funny as Steve Martin
- Has emotional and physical strength but will not mind if I am forgetful or gain a few pounds and won't mind if I eat potato chips in bed

What do you suppose are my chances?

Fact # 7 Me and Jim Morrison are kindred spirits

No, I don't get totally hammered and dangle off hotel room balconies. But Jim did have a habit which I rather like. I think he must have hated doing laundry as much as I do. He would go buy a new outfit every day and leave the dirty one behind in the dressing room. He shed his skin like a snake and never looked back.

If I were rich, instead of doing laundry when my clothes got dirty, I'd go buy a whole new wardrobe. Then I'd put all the dirty clothes in the bin, and go buy more new clothes.

Fact # 8 and a list of new meme recipients coming soon. (I only know one other person that blogs)

Kaboom! Your Oxi is clean and your Orange glows…

2007-05-20T20:47:00.000-07:00

(THIS IS TRUE STORY!)

When Henry was a tiny baby, I remember being completely amazed at his reaction to infomercials. “Adverts” as Henry calls them now. This child had no interest in Black Adder, or M.A.S.H. Nor could I convince him to even look up for a second at Sesame Street, Barney or Teletubbies, but Billy Mays got him every time. A peddler, a pitchman, trafficker of cleaning products made Henry look up and watch with eyes wide open for the full 2 minutes every single time he came on the telly. He was great at creating a sense of urgency. Get it NOW really stuck with Henry.

A conversation with Henry the other night while I was working on the computer and he was watching Nickelodeon.

H: (Running down the hall) Mummy, Mummy, you have to let me get on the computer RIGHT NOW!
M: I am working Hen, what is so important?
H: I have to sign up TODAY for Westwood College’s Online Program.
M: What College? You’re 7? What are you talking about?
H: Mummy, they said on Nickelodeon that I can go online to learn to animate and design video games. I have idea’s and I want to design one NOW. Go to the website NOW please. Right NOW please. NOW OK? NOW, please Mummy.
M: OK, let’s go see what it says. (There was no way he was going to let me finish my work until I went there and checked it out.)
M: Sorry Henry, it says here that you have to graduate from High School to take these classes. You are only in 1st grade.
H: It’s OK. YOU went to college. Pretend it’s you signing up and I will take the classes… or how ‘bout you sign up and learn how to do it, and then you can teach me. Do it Mummy. At least ask for more information NOW.

I sent in an online request for more information that night with Henry looking over my shoulder, directing me as to what to ask. How long does it take? How much does it cost? How old do you have to be? Do you really have to graduate from HS before you can learn?
He came to me 3 times Sunday night asking me to check my email to see if they had answered yet and he directed me Monday morning to keep checking email while he was in school, just in case they answered.

I have gotten 3 hard sell phone calls, from admission advisors since then, asking me when I want to start Westwood College of Game Art and Design. The program costs $70,000. And it takes 3 years. He wouldn’t be able to design a game until he was in 4th grade.

I gave Hen the bad news… I told him that it was way too expensive I didn’t have that kind of money right now.

He went away (dreams crushed) for about 5 minutes then came running down the hall again…

H: Mummy, Mummy, do you have any scrap gold? We could sell it for cash! I just saw an advert on Nickelodeon about how to get fast cash for your scrap gold to make extra money for anything you want. And if you go to www.goldkit.com you can get a FREE gold kit to send in your teeth today. And shipping is free!

Do it Mummy won’t you please? NOW?

Moving on...

2007-05-11T07:04:00.000-07:00

I have been on vacation from a job that I will have only 3 more days. All week I have been making lists of things I need to do and I have been amazingly unproductive. This may explain it.

I think I will need a better plan for my unemployment months.

Do onto others? Or take the high road?

2007-04-29T18:55:00.000-07:00

I have been getting emails asking why I felt the need to post Get a therapist...it lasts longer, so I have decided to tell you-all why, without "outing" the perpetrator.

I am doing this because I may have upset family and friends who read my little blog but don't always comment. I want them to know that I do not consider them creepy lurkers just because they don't comment.

And I want to thank the others for the insightful commentary on gossip.

Statistically, there are a relatively small subset of blog readers who comment regularily. And I don't expect anyone to even be that interested in my musings, let alone have something to say about them.

But a little over a week ago, I heard from a few friends that "someone" was overheard gossiping about me, citing something they claimed to have seen on this blog. Luckily for me I guess, this person is a well known trouble-maker/gossip - but it still didn't make me feel better at the time, especially because it involved my child.

I have had time to reflect and for the record: I expect those of you who are loosely connected to me, but do no really know me at all, NOT to use information found here to twist and fabricate tales to create drama and gossip that could potentially hurt a child. I could care-less what you say or think about me, but don't mess with Henry.

Additionally, the message I would like to send to "this person" specifically, if they happen to read this, is that while I have no control over you reading my public blog, nor do I have control over the small mindedness of your gossip, I do have control over how I will react and behave. And I vow not treat you the way you have treated me. Actually I vow not to give a shit one way or the other about what you have to say.

Get a therapist - it lasts longer.

2007-04-20T07:37:00.000-07:00

The definition of Lurk, according to UrbanDictionary.com:

Lurk
On a messageboard or anything similar, to browse the board often, but without ever posting anything.

Lurker
Someone who is creepy and reads your comments on your web profile to find stuff out about you.
Possible reasons for this could be:
-They don't know what to say
-They are pretending to have friends
-They are trying to scare you
-They are there just to be seen with you, as if they have some kind of relationship with you.

Lurker Who Needs to Get a Therapist
Someone who lurks on your website and then uses the information in a feeble attempt to create gossip and ill will about you and/or your family.

When musical inspiration hits...

2007-04-07T13:25:00.000-07:00

and all you have is a dirty napkin...
Go for it.

They were so poor that....

2007-03-29T19:32:00.000-07:00

...they ended up living in a rolled up newspaper at the bottom of a septic tank. It would be funny if it wasn't true for the 1.5 million Americans who may lose their homes to foreclosure this year.

Pop Quiz: Which of these products do you think makes sense?

(a) The "balloon mortgage," in which the borrower pays only interest for 10 years before a big lump-sum payment is due.

(b) The "liar loan," in which the borrower is asked merely to state his annual income, without presenting any documentation.

(c) The "option ARM" loan, in which the borrower can pay less than the agreed-upon interest and principal payment, simply by adding to the outstanding balance of the loan.

(d) The "piggyback loan," in which a combination of a first and second mortgage eliminates the need for any down payment.

(e) The "teaser loan," which qualifies a borrower for a loan based on an artificially low initial interest rate, even though he or she doesn't have sufficient income to make the monthly payments when the interest rate is reset in two years.

(f) The "stretch loan," in which the borrower has to commit more than 50 percent of gross income to make the monthly payments.

(g) All of the above.

If you answered (g), congratulations! Not only do you qualify for a job as a mortgage banker, but you may also have a future as a Wall Street investment banker and a bank regulator.

One cheeky lender went so far as to advertise what it dubbed its "NINJA" loan -- NINJA standing for "No Income, No Job and No Assets."

In fact, these innovative products are now so commonplace, they have been the driving force in the boom in the housing industry at least since 2005. They help explain why outstanding mortgage debt has increased by $9.5 trillion in the past four years. And they are, unquestionably, a big factor behind the incredible run-up in home prices.

This information is from a Washington Post article by Steven Pearlstein that explains all too well, why 1.5 million Americans may lose their homes to foreclosure and soon will be living in a rolled up newpaper at the bottom of the road. At least they won't have to worry about how they will afford to fix it, if the roof springs a leak.

Subprime Panick Attack

2007-03-26T22:21:00.000-07:00

Latest count of major US mortgage lenders that have croaked since late 2006: 50 and counting

AKA: Why I am no longer employed.

Things to do with a card board box

2007-03-25T00:48:00.000-07:00

1. Throw it in the garbage
2. Send it to the waste-recyclers
3. Turn it into a solar box cooker
4. Use it as an oven to bake potatoes
5. Turn it into a composter that finally composts itself
6. Feed it to compost worms
7. Make a garden and grow vegetables in it
8. Make an incubator - Hatch eggs in it
9. Make an armchair
10. Live in it

My conversation with Henry this morning after I picked him up from Dad's:

Me: So Henry, did Daddy tell you what happened with my job Thursday? (I thought he'd use the opportunity to diss me for sure)
Hen: No, Mummy. What happened?
Me: I lost it. I got laid off.
Henry: Gasp... What?
Me: Oh Henry, don't worry we are totally fine!
Henry: No we are not! When people lose their jobs, they have to live in a cardboard box.
Me: Seriously, we are fine! I have been with the company for 10 years. I got a great severance package!
Henry: Never mind about that. Will we have a library? A basement? Wireless internet in our box? I'll need it for my laptop!

Me: Hen-Hen, you have been reading Calvin and Hobbes again haven't you?

The best present for a little mogul.

2007-03-18T15:33:00.000-07:00

You may have read in a previous post that Henry intends to grow up and become a wealthy real estate tycoon.

He now has everything he needs to make his dreams come true, thanks to the best birthday present ever for a little up-and-coming mogul.

Real-Estate-Tycoon-In-A-Box. (Cute little assistant in the background not included.)
1. Business Cards and Holder
2. Personalized Purchase Contracts
3. For Sale Signs
4. A Coffee Mug - for the Starbucks run
5. A Calculator - to calculate his HUGE commissions
6. A Good Pen
7. A Camera and Film - to take pictures of his Real Estate holdings.
8. A Note Pad - to take notes during meetings with clients
9. A Real Estate License.

This perfect birthday gift was given to Henry by his school mate Jordan and his clever mom Mia.
He was over the moon when he opened it. Before you could say "Entrepreneur" Henry had an office set up, ready for business, complete with a bright smile and new advertising signs. All he needed were clients, which he found in his more-than-willing parents, sister and brother-in-law. He made "WE'RE OPEN" and "NEXT" signs, and one at a time, called his new clients into his office. He interviewed each and wrote down exactly what features they were looking for in their next house, and then calculated the price range.

The next day he insisted we move the furniture in his room
around so that his desk (currently up against the wall) was placed in
such a way that 2 clients could sit across from him at a time. He
framed his license, made a few signs and was open for business.
Look for calendar door hangers in your neighborhood soon.

My Mom is blogging this...

2007-02-26T21:01:00.000-08:00

No I am not.

Everyone knows, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. I guess I should mention that it was an educational trip. :-)

Shirts and inspiration: Compliments of Laura's Mom